1.Do not call for service until everyone has had a chance to form an opinion about what is wrong. Give each person a chance to correct the problem. Whenever possible flip all switches and turn all dials.

2.After several days, when the minor telephone malfunction has become a major annoyance, place an urgent service call. Fridays are best, but anytime after 4 p.m. is okay.

3.Alert all your people when the technician arrives. This way each person can give their own version of what is wrong. Suggestions on hw to fix the problem will be welcomed by the technician.

4.Hide the service history log and clear the error table. This makes trouble-shooting more interesting. He'll appreciate the challenge. Make several rude remarks about the technician who was here for the same problem last week.

5.The moment the technician arrives, ask what took him so long. Make it clear that whatever time he took t respond was too long. Before he can answer, preferably before he's even stepped inside your building, ask him how long it is going to take to repair the problem.

6.Any telephone you ask the technician to look at should be as dirty as possible. A mixture of coffee, white-out and pencil shavings work best. If the phone is electronic, add staples and paper clips.

7.Assign someone to supervise the repair. The best person to supervise is one who has never before been inside a switch room - nor has any idea where the main console is. Bad breath is a plus.

8.Five minutes into the repair, organize at least eight engineers to ask highly technical voice/data integration fourth generation PBX questions. The key is to ask questions which are in no way related to the immediate problem.

9.Make sure there are no lights in the switch room. Be assured a good technician can fix it blindfolded. An ideal switch room environment is two inches deep in dust, as well as damp, freezing and unventilated.

10.If the technician isn't doing anything to correct the problem (perhaps he's reading a schematic diagram or installation manual) ask him if he knows what he is doing. Mention that you fixed your toaster last week without a schematic - in fact, without reading the instruction booklet.

11.When the repair is complete, tell the technician what a swell job he did! Tell him it should be swell. After all, it took him long enough.

12.The instant the technician leaves, place another service call.

13.When the technician returns, tell him you forgot to tell him about :"this other little problem." Imply that you're a little disappointed that he didn't catch it when he was here two hours ago.

14.Never offer your technician a glass of water, a can of coke, or a slice of pizza, no matter how long he spends in your phone room. Tell him that working through lunch is like Time Division Multiplexing - when two or more things happen at once.

15.Never replace your own handset cords. Technicians love replacing modular cords. After all, this is why we have maintenance contracts. Your technician will appreciate the work, too.

With special thanks to Janine Davis from Digital Speech Systems, Inc. for submitting these helful tips.

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